I finally experienced healthy leadership. Here's what it was like.

Most of my career, I’ve known what unhealthy leadership feels like.

It’s the meeting where voices are silenced.

The workplace where politics matter more than people.

The leader who protects their own power instead of empowering others.

If you’ve been in environments like that, you know the atmosphere they create. Heavy. Stifling. The kind of culture where you walk away feeling smaller, less certain, and less willing to contribute next time.

Because of my own story — both as someone who has led and someone who has been led — I’ve often found myself as what some call the “canary in the coal mine.” I can sense the culture of a team almost instantly. If it’s not safe to breathe, I retreat. Sometimes I shut down. Sometimes I come across as aloof or even a little sharp — my defensiveness kicking in before I’ve even realised it.

When the leadership is healthy, everything changes. When the environment is safe and strong, that’s when I flourish. That’s when I bring all my strengths, insights, and energy to the table. I contribute more freely, I take more risks, and I feel the weight of responsibility as something shared, not something that sits on me alone.

Recently, I experienced exactly that.

Canary standing tall and alert

I was at a two-day board strategy retreat. From the very first session, our president set the tone. She didn’t launch straight into strategy or paperwork. She began by facilitating a debrief of what had been a very difficult year. Instead of glossing over the tension, she invited us to “air” what needed to be said and to reflect on what we could learn from it. She modelled strength through vulnerability — sharing her own perspective honestly and asking for feedback from the rest of us.

That first session changed everything. Her openness gave us permission to be open too.

She then did something equally important: she reminded us of who we were. She drew us back to our vision as an organisation, re-anchoring us in why we were there and what we hoped to achieve across the two days. It wasn’t just a formality. It was a genuine re-connection with purpose, a reminder that we were part of something larger than ourselves.

The result?

We operated as a high-functioning team. We spoke our minds freely. We listened deeply to each other’s perspectives. We corrected one another respectfully when needed — and it didn’t feel like conflict, it felt like progress. There was an ease in the way we collaborated, a shared trust that meant disagreement didn’t fracture us but actually moved us forward.

Preparation also played a huge role. Our president and the executive had worked hard to make sure the agenda was clear, with priorities made explicit. We knew what mattered most and what we might not have time for. When conversations started to run down rabbit holes, she had the courage and skill to bring us back on track. That balance of openness and structure meant we could go deep without losing our way.

She closed the retreat with affirmations for each of us. Simple words, yet they carried a weight that left us feeling seen and valued.

For me personally, this was transformational. Instead of shrinking back, I found myself stepping forward. I felt heard and valued, and was therefore able to contribute with confidence and clarity. I left the retreat energised, not depleted. It was one of the first times in a long time that I felt I had truly made a difference as part of a leadership team.

That’s what healthy leadership looks like.

It creates an environment where people don’t just turn up — they bring their best.

So what made this leadership healthy?

• Vulnerability and strength working hand in hand.

• Clarity and direction without rigidity.

• Respectful accountability when conversations drifted.

• Affirmation and vision that reminded us why we exist.

It wasn’t perfect. Leadership never is. It was safe, it was clear, and it was strong.

For me — someone who has often found themselves gasping for oxygen in unhealthy cultures — it was life-giving.

If you are a leader who wants to create this kind of environment for your team, I’d love to help you get there. 

Kathryn Martens

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